tomorrow is the first day of second semester.. new classes, new people, new teachers, new subjects.. too much "new ____" its like starting the school year all over again.. i wish i was in high school again.. kinda.. sorta.. actually not really but the high school "format" i don't know what i'm saying.. forget that.. but anyways i'm kind of nervous... i really want to do well this semester just like last semester.. hopefully it'll be okay.. i need some encouragement.. this is why being at home is the best.. :)
but i was thinking just now about my future.. my job.. what i'm going to do out of college.. it literally hit me that i have to step out into the real world now... or am i just moving too fast? i don't know..... but back to my point. so like a couple minutes ago i was doing some research about the major i want to go into.. and i don't know what happened but all of a sudden i got so scared like i didn't want to step into what i was seeing in front of me. i realized the "path for my life" i had planned got destroyed in like .078 seconds. i keep asking myself.. can you do this? is this for you? even if you do get there are you qualified for it? it like i only saw the big picture from afar and that was the goal i had in mind.. but as i keep getting closer i realize there are so many details that make up the big picture that you have to keep taking steps forward to see them.. and honestly it scares me because i'm so comfortable where i am now..
so now my "plan of life" is down the drain.. in ruins basically.. and now it seems that all i see is just one step in front of me in the midst of darkness and all the steps i've taken behind me lit up with memories and knowledge and the wisdom that you can have when you're 19.. lol now that i see it literally written down i don't feel so old.. i'm actually pretty young :) so i'm 19. i go to the nation's top art college, i have no set plan for my life anymore and now have to trust 200% on God that he'll lead my life for me - whether that'll be into set designing or something even greater that i can't imagine..
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