post it

God waits at the end of the tunnel. As i come out crying, screaming, scarred, annoyed and frustrated, He's there..waiting, knowing that the river beneath me would eventually bring me out. Though i tried to float along, in the dar, by myself, without that light at the end of my tunnel, i probably wouldn't even try to save my own life.
"Though i have not seen him, i love him, and even though i don't see him now, i believe in him."
Therefore i now need to prepare myself, be obedient and wait till i get out knowing that the light at the end is my safety; putting all of my hope in the haven that lays on the horizon, one day reaching that place
Love them, from the heart; get rid of the malice and crave the sweet. For I now know that it is the Lord that satisfies my hunger and cravings.

1 Peter 1:1-2:3

i wrote this on a post-it last night before i slept.. God answered my prayer but in some way i feel like i knew the answer the whole time...i just didn't want to face it, confront it.. He just had to show it to me so that i would be able to accept what He has for me.. and i see that if i long to become more like Christ i must follow in the path He has chosen for me.


쑤고했어요오. ㅋㅋ

ㅇㅏㅇㅣ.. ㅜ.ㅡ

인생은 참힘들다...
하고싶지안은 것도 해야돼고..
피곤하고...
지치고..
어이업고..
한숨밖에 안나오는 네가 참...
보기가 안좋네..

people say living the christian life is hard..
i think it was the first time i felt that way.. ever......
i wanted this year to be different with my walk with God.. and i guess its changing..
just not the way i wanted it to change..
i thought change would be nice.. but its hard..
i know in the end if i stick to God, the outcome is going to be so worth it at the end..
but now.. right now.. i'm just tired and don't want to do any of it..
i want to go back to the comfortable christian life that i've been living..
but when i look at it.. thats not what my soul is longing.. just my mind..
아 신경질나..

재미도업고..
시간만 빼서는것 같기도하고..
'내가 할수있을까?' 라는 생각이 계속든다...

a century

january 17 2011
currently 9:15 pm east coast time
currently listening to 바람아 멈추어다오 by loveholic
&100th post

today was full of emotions.. i cried for the first time in a while, laughed, embarrassed, ashamed, happy, confused, lost... all in my dorm room, in my pajamas, all day, from dramas/shows/movies.. haha i feel sorry for myself.. i have a headache, but whatever, its cool though

i've been reading a book lately called "letters to sam" by Daniel Gottlieb (definite recommendation for people who are searching for a bigger perspective on humanity, love,.. ultimately life) its really good, taught me a lot, opened up the way i see things and think about things.. its really interesting..there was a quote from the book that really left a mark in me, "Not living is the problem. Sadness, joy, love, anguish, passion, and serenity are all pieces of life--the very texture of this gift called life." we need these emotions to live, but why did i stop myself from crying.. i was embarrassed, ashamed, i would feel exposed in front of my roommates, and personally i don't need that.. i found that its the more sad, negative emotions that i tend to keep in a lot, from many people.. and its always the happy ones i try to show off more so that it would balance out my emotional scale.. in the book there is a poem entitled "Guest House" where it talks about opening up yourself to the emotions that come to you..

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
the dark thought, the sham, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond
-Rumi

이젠 무뚜뚝한 반응은 그만~~
행복을 찾아
사랑을 찾아
내 자신, 내 마음을 찾아
인생을 후해 없이, 행복하게, 열심히, 사랑이 가득한 인생을 살꺼다.. !!
이젠 시작~
웃어요, 웃어봐요 좋은게 좋은거죠~~♫

currently listening to 웃어요 by 김태희 & YDG

keyser soze = genius

i just watched the usual suspects because linda told me to watch it..
who is keyser soze?
wow.. i'm literally blown away... the thinking behind it all... unbelievable.....

although at first it was kind of boring so i fast forwarded a couple parts..
but the last 15 minutessssss



i can't believe the movie..
officially one of my favorite movies of all time...

untitled

when i was 5, life went at a speed of 5 mph
when i was 10, life went at a speed of 10 mph
at 15, 15 mph
and now at 20, i feel like my life is passing at a speed of 20 mph..

time is going too fast..
its already thursday..

but it was a snow day today
and today went by at a speed of 3 mph..

its nice for things to be slow.. but the slow speed is making me feel more lazy..
maybe its the weather..
i don't do anything at school...
i'd rather be in LA..
or at least i wish i was in a studio class..

tumblr.

just made one today..
i'm mainly gonna use my blog from now on for my thoughts and other stuff i'd want to rant about, but i made a tumblr today (and a coroflot portfolio) because i'm preparing my resume stuff and internship stuff for the coming summers that i have left.. and hopefully i'll get into them.. real life is starting to hit me.. and so far i've been so lazy.. so much to do but all i want to do is play tetris and watch movies/dramas, listen to music.. etc... sigh.. i think i see why people always reminisce their high school, college days.. teenage years...

life is great! now, just as it is at this moment.. its just real life is coming upon me way too fast..

untitled

what kind of life do i want to live?
what kind of life should i want to live?
what kind of life could i want to live?

what kind of life do i live?
what kind of life should i live?
what kind of life could i live?

i really want to do something spectacular in this one life i live
i really want to live and do everything for His Glory

what kind of life does He want me to live?
i'll live that life...

productivity

today was probably the most productive i've been all week
i worked on a small logo project
cleaned my dorm
cleaned the hair out of the drain.. ugh.. gross but someone has to do it..
living with 3 other people is pretty hard sometimes especially if they're all girls..hair.. ><
but i love it :) its pretty fun~

andddddd i'm currently working on a way to get rid of the cold i currently have.. -__-
hopefully i'll be successful soon

first day of winterssession

was a waste of my time.
my living in color (relationship of color and music mainly in russia-classical) class got cancelled monday night.
it was replaced with some retarded class about ghosts in photography.
i tried to get into a different class about the blues.
stayed till the class ended.
the teacher said the class was full so i couldn't be in the class.. after it finished.
now i have only 1 class.
math and physics in architecture.
i feel like i'm wasting my time.
5 day weekends, 2 days of classes.
woohoo.
i'm gonna go find a job.

2011:year of the future

2011 seems like a futuristic year number that i would have seen in old cartoons or movies or something ..
i'm excited for this year.. it feels like its gonna be a good one
resolutions...are great.. but i want to be able to keep all of the ones i made..
january started..
february will mean wintersession will be over and i'll go home a week and then start semester2
may will come and i'll be done with sophmore year of college
summer.. missions, and interships, job? i'm gonna have to start searching..
september means junior year .. more intense and more exciting
december will mean i'll be 21..
i'm scared. excited..
resolution?carpe diem..
God called out to me and i know He'll do it again
for now i just need to focus on what's in front of me and soon i trust that God will unravel the rest

good bye 2010
hello 2011