a century

january 17 2011
currently 9:15 pm east coast time
currently listening to 바람아 멈추어다오 by loveholic
&100th post

today was full of emotions.. i cried for the first time in a while, laughed, embarrassed, ashamed, happy, confused, lost... all in my dorm room, in my pajamas, all day, from dramas/shows/movies.. haha i feel sorry for myself.. i have a headache, but whatever, its cool though

i've been reading a book lately called "letters to sam" by Daniel Gottlieb (definite recommendation for people who are searching for a bigger perspective on humanity, love,.. ultimately life) its really good, taught me a lot, opened up the way i see things and think about things.. its really interesting..there was a quote from the book that really left a mark in me, "Not living is the problem. Sadness, joy, love, anguish, passion, and serenity are all pieces of life--the very texture of this gift called life." we need these emotions to live, but why did i stop myself from crying.. i was embarrassed, ashamed, i would feel exposed in front of my roommates, and personally i don't need that.. i found that its the more sad, negative emotions that i tend to keep in a lot, from many people.. and its always the happy ones i try to show off more so that it would balance out my emotional scale.. in the book there is a poem entitled "Guest House" where it talks about opening up yourself to the emotions that come to you..

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
the dark thought, the sham, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond
-Rumi

이젠 무뚜뚝한 반응은 그만~~
행복을 찾아
사랑을 찾아
내 자신, 내 마음을 찾아
인생을 후해 없이, 행복하게, 열심히, 사랑이 가득한 인생을 살꺼다.. !!
이젠 시작~
웃어요, 웃어봐요 좋은게 좋은거죠~~♫

currently listening to 웃어요 by 김태희 & YDG